“I know I should be tackling our strategy launch, but I keep finding myself buried in operational details instead.”
That confession came from a CEO client in a coaching session with me, and it captures something I’ve seen again and again in 20 years of working with leaders. When decisions feel emotionally heavy, even the most capable people find clever ways to stay busy. It’s rarely about poor time management or lack of discipline (although they sometimes wonder if that’s their issue). More frequently, it’s emotional avoidance in disguise and it quietly drains productivity, clarity and courage from organisations.
Some of the basics of neuroscience helps explain why this happens. When we feel threatened – our body’s fight, flight, freeze or fawn response – we temporarily lose access to the parts of the brain that support complex reasoning and perspective-taking. The irony is that in high-stakes situations, leaders often work hard to suppress those emotions instead of addressing them.
I’ve seen this play out in all sorts of ways over the years.
- A finance director delayed difficult conversations by constantly requesting more data.
- A business owner buried herself in the minutiae of procuring an e-learning platform rather than deal with the simmering interpersonal tensions in her team.
- A board director packed his diary with low-value meetings to avoid facing a failing strategy.
The answer isn’t another productivity hack or calendar app. It’s learning how to work with your emotions rather than around them.
At Incendo, we help leaders use their full emotional range as a genuine business advantage. In particular, when executives learn to recognise and process their emotions, they make faster, wiser decisions, communicate more clearly and lead teams that feel safe to speak up and think creatively.
You can start developing this skill right now by adopting a technique I use frequently myself. Whenever I notice that I’m putting off an important decision or procrastinating about solving a problem, I pause and ask myself:
What feeling am I trying to avoid right now?
The answer sometimes surprises me and it always manages to unlock the clarity that I’ve been waiting for – and then I can move forward with the decision or problem.
Here are a few other simple ways to begin building emotional awareness. For me, the first two in particular are incredibly effective.
Schedule discomfort time
Put aside 30 minutes a day for the task that feels most uncomfortable. You’ll be surprised how productive discomfort can be.
Name it to tame it
This is a technique developed by Dr. Dan Siegel that involves labelling an emotion (frustration, anxiety, fear, whatever it is) which reduces its grip and helps you think more clearly.
Try a two-minute pause
Before diving into busy work, stop for two minutes and ask if you’re avoiding something more significant.
Check in with your body
Notice any physical tension or tightness; your body often spots emotional avoidance before your mind does.
Create a procrastination log
Each time you notice yourself avoiding important work, jot down what you did instead and what emotions surfaced when you thought about the task.
These steps can make a real difference, but they’re only the start. Sustained change comes from weaving emotional awareness into everyday leadership habits. That’s the focus of our work at Incendo: helping leaders build emotional resilience that lasts, so they can lead with confidence, honesty and calm – especially when it matters most.
If you’re ready to move beyond quick fixes and lead with your full emotional intelligence, let’s explore how Incendo can help.
