How should I deal with the martyr in my team?

Have you ever worked with someone who constantly complains about their workload and how hard their job is, and who believes that they’re always having to pick up the (imagined) slack because nobody else is willing to? They may be exhibiting what’s known as “martyr syndrome”. This is a behaviour pattern where individuals perceive themselves as victims of their circumstances and believe that they’re consistently unfairly treated by others.

During my working life, I’ve encountered a few people like this and what they seem to be experiencing (and sharing regularly with anyone who’ll listen) is more than just a temporary sense of being a bit ‘put upon’ that we all have from time to time. One ex-colleague of mine – for this article I’ll call him “John” – stands out in my memory in particular because martyr syndrome appeared to be such a core part of his identity; it informed how he communicated with everyone else in the team, it impacted on his relationships with colleagues and customers, and it even showed up in his body language and facial expressions. I have to share with you: John was very hard work to be around.

I know from my work with organisations and teams in the years since I worked alongside John, that many groups have a martyr in their midst and the impact on others can be insidious but significant. Therefore, my aim with this article is to explore how martyr syndrome affects the workplace and what can be done to address it. I’d like to add that I have empathy and compassion for anyone who is genuinely put-upon, over-burdened or taken advantage of within their professional role. My own experience with workplace martyrs is that they’re frequently no busier than anyone else, they often voluntarily create additional work for their to-do lists and they receive the same amount of gratitude for their input as others in the team. It is specifically this phenomenon that I’m writing about here.

First of all, let’s give some thought to the causes of martyr syndrome. It can stem from a variety of sources, such as past experiences of being mistreated or not feeling valued in personal or professional contexts. It can also arise from a deep-seated need for attention and validation, as well as fear of failure or disapproval. Often, those who exhibit this behaviour have a strong desire to be seen as selfless and give up their own needs to help others. For the martyr, over time this can lead to burnout, as well as resentment towards their colleagues who don’t appear to share the same values.

A deeper, lasting way for the individual concerned to address their martyr syndrome is by focusing on the root causes of the behaviour through therapy or counselling. This can help them overcome past traumas and develop a healthier sense of self-worth and boundaries.

When one person in a team exhibits martyr behaviours, it can negatively impact the entire group. It can sometimes create a culture of martyrdom, where people feel pressured to sacrifice their own wellbeing for the sake of the team, leading to low morale and issues with productivity. It can also lead to resentment towards the martyr, who may be seen as trying to manipulate others and not contributing equally to the team (despite their outward claims to be ‘carrying the whole team’s workload’ etc.). This was certainly the case with John; in turn, this created unhealthy dynamics and tension amongst the rest of John’s colleagues.

If someone you work with is exhibiting the signs of martyr syndrome, there are several practical steps that I recommend you consider taking in order to address it.

Discuss the behaviours  First, it’s important to recognise and acknowledge the behaviour. This can involve having an open and honest conversation with the person about the impact their behaviour is having on the team. It’s also important to encourage self-care and healthy boundaries, both for the individual (the martyr) and the team as a whole.

Understand the motivation  Try to understand why the person is exhibiting martyr behaviour. Do they believe that sacrificing themselves for others will bring them approval or make them feel needed? Do they feel guilty if they say no to others’ requests for help?

Show appreciation  People with martyr tendencies tend to think that they’re not appreciated enough for what they do. Be sure to show them appreciation and acknowledge their sacrifices when they do something for you.

Set boundaries  Make it clear what you expect from them and what you won’t tolerate. For example, let them know that you appreciate their help, but you don’t want them to sacrifice their own wellbeing for yours.

Encourage self-care  Encourage the person to take care of themselves and prioritise their own needs. This may involve setting realistic expectations and learning to say no when they need to.

Lead by example  If you’re a manager or leader, make sure that you are setting a good example for the rest of the team. Focus on work-life balance and encourage a culture of mutual respect and support.

Seek outside help  If the martyr behaviour persists and is negatively impacting the workplace, seek outside help from a team development specialist or HR professional. They may be able to provide additional insights and strategies for addressing the behaviours.

Support open communication  Create an environment where team members feel comfortable addressing any issues or concerns they may have regarding the martyr behaviour. Encourage honest and respectful communication to ensure that everyone’s needs are heard and addressed.

Focus on collaboration  Creating opportunities for collaboration, and recognising and celebrating individual and team achievements can help shift the focus away from martyr behaviour. It’s important to approach this issue with empathy and understanding, as those exhibiting martyr syndrome may be struggling with deep-seated personal issues.

Provide training  Provide resources and training to help team members develop effective communication, setting boundaries and time management skills. This can sometimes help prevent martyr behaviour from arising in the first place and promote a healthier work environment.

Be patient and compassionate  Remember that addressing martyr syndrome takes time and patience. Be compassionate towards those struggling with the behaviour and offer them support in their journey towards healthier habits and behaviours.

By implementing these strategies and taking a proactive approach towards addressing martyr syndrome, individuals and teams can create a more positive and productive workplace culture. Having adopted some of these techniques myself in the past, I was able to start working with John rather than working around him. Over time, collaboration improved, decision-making was better and the overall team climate was much less tense. By creating a culture of mutual respect and support, martyr syndrome can be addressed and the workplace can become a more productive and fulfilling environment.

As a final note, I should add that a deeper, lasting way for the individual concerned to address their martyr syndrome is by focusing on the root causes of the behaviour through therapy or counselling. This can help them overcome past traumas and develop a healthier sense of self-worth and boundaries.