“Sorry, I was on mute” – we’ve all said it. But beneath this common virtual meeting faux pas lies a deeper truth: speaking up in virtual meetings can sometimes feel like stepping onto a tightrope without a safety net.
Through my work as an organisational development consultant, I’ve taken part in (and observed) hundreds of virtual meetings and I’ve noticed something fascinating: I reckon that it’s possible to tell within the first five minutes whether a team feels psychologically safe.
Here are the subtle (and not-so-subtle) signs that I’ve learned to look for:
The camera-off reaction
When someone new joins with their camera off, I watch what happens next. In psychologically safe teams, there’s often a gentle “Hey Sarah, can we see your face?” followed by either Sarah comfortably declining or switching her camera on. In unsafe teams, the camera-off attendee will be met with silence, or worse, passive-aggressive comments about “team players”.
The first five minutes
The opening moments of a virtual meeting are telling. Safe teams tend to naturally drift into quick personal check-ins, like “How was your weekend, Jack?” and “Hey, nice haircut!”. In contrast, I’ve noticed that unsafe teams jump straight to business with the warmth of an automated phone system.
The power of awkward silence
In most virtual meetings, silence feels like a technical glitch! But in psychologically safe teams, I’ve noticed something different: people actually let silence breathe. For example, someone might say “I need a moment to think about that” and others wait patiently. No one rushes to fill the void with nervous chatter.
The chat zone
I also notice what’s happening in the sidebar chat – it’s like passing notes in class, but more revealing. In safe spaces, it’s alive with supportive comments and verbal nods, relevant links and even playful emojis or GIFs. In unsafe spaces, the chat area can be full of tumbleweed, or worse, used for private message dramas to unfold behind the scenes.
The interruption dance
“Oh sorry, no you go ahead!” – “No, it’s fine! You go!”. When two people start speaking at once, this awkward dance happens everywhere. But I’ve noticed that if gets handled differently – in safe teams, people laugh it off and ensure that both voices get heard, whereas in unsafe teams, the loudest voice wins every time.
The “I might be wrong” test
During virtual meetings, I often spot people using words like “This might be a stupid question but…” or “I’m not sure if this makes sense but…” before they give their input. In truly safe teams, these hedging phrases gradually disappear and people just speak their minds, knowing that half-formed ideas are welcome.
The exec exception
This one is a dead giveaway every time: when the senior leader speaks, what happens? In safe teams, people engage just as they would with anyone else – questioning, building on ideas, even disagreeing. In unsafe teams, suddenly everyone becomes a head-nodding expert in synchronised agreement.
The real meeting after the meeting
You know that flood of Teams or Slack messages that fly around right after a meeting ends? That’s often where the real conversations happen in unsafe teams. In contrast, in safe teams the attendees said what needed saying in the meeting itself.Â
The tech fail test
It’s worth watching how people handle technical difficulties when they inevitably crop up. In safe spaces, someone’s frozen screen or barking dog becomes a moment of shared humanity. In unsafe spaces, these moments are met with eye rolls and impatient sighs.
The beauty of virtual meetings is that they’re like a petri dish for team dynamics, in that everything is magnified. Once you start noticing these patterns, you can’t unsee them. More importantly, you can start shifting them, one “it’s OK to be on mute” at a time.
Everything that’s been written and spoken about psychological safety emphasises that it isn’t about making everyone comfortable all the time. It’s about creating a space where discomfort is OK, where risks feel manageable and where every team member knows their voice matters – even if they’re still working out how to unmute themselves or share their screen.
Here’s what I find fascinating: the most innovative teams I’ve observed aren’t always the most polished or comfortable in terms of how they interact with each other in their virtual meetings. They’re the ones where someone might fumble through explaining a new idea, where disagreements happen openly and where “I don’t know” is treated as the beginning of a conversation, not the end of one.
Next time you’re in a virtual meeting, try this: Pick just one of these signals and shift it. It might be something as simple as being the first to admit uncertainty, or following up on someone’s half-shared story from last week. Ultimately, psychological safety isn’t about making everyone comfortable, it’s about making discomfort OK; it’s also about creating spaces where risks feel manageable and voices matter (even the muted ones!).
