by Justin Standfield
It was a Tuesday afternoon and I was eagerly awaiting a response from a potential client about a project proposal I had submitted the previous week – they’d expressed a desire to move quickly and had asked for my proposal reasonably urgently. I had put in several hours of research and created a series of learning programme outlines, and I was confident that my offer would be well-received. As the hours ticked by that Tuesday, I found myself continuously refreshing my email inbox, anticipating the familiar ding of a new message. But sadly, the silence was deafening.
Days turned into weeks and still… no response. I had been professionally ghosted. The once-promising opportunity had vanished into thin air, leaving me with a sense of confusion, frustration and a bit of a wounded ego. “How could this happen?” I wondered. “Did I do something wrong? Was my proposal not good enough?”.
Unfortunately, I know from speaking to others in my network that my experience is not unique. Ghosting, the act of abruptly cutting off communication without explanation, has become an all-too-common phenomenon in the professional world. Whether it’s a potential employer, a client, or even a colleague, the sudden disappearance of communication can be a jarring and disheartening experience. People have shared with me how ghosting can happen at any stage of a professional relationship, from the initial outreach to the final stages of a project or negotiation.
According to a recent study, nearly 60% of professionals have been ghosted at some point in their careers (and a shocking 75% of job applicants have been ghosted after a job interview).
Although it’s tempting to assume that the ghosters – or is it just ‘ghosts’? – are simply bad-mannered oafs or chronically disorganised (or both), there must be a reason why so many of us have been ghosted. For one thing, the rise of digital comms has made it easier for people to avoid confrontation and simply vanish, leaving the other party to wonder what went wrong. Although I still think it’s rude, I can sort of understand someone taking the easy option of just not replying to emails.
While being ghosted can be a demoralising experience, it’s important to remember that it’s not a reflection of your worth or the quality of your work. I’m a firm believer that ghosting is a behaviour that says more about the person doing the ghosting than the person being ghosted. I really hope it doesn’t happen to you, yet I’d like to offer you some steps that you can take to regain control and a balanced sense of purposefulness after being professionally ghosted:
1. Resist the urge to reach out repeatedly
It can be tempting to send multiple follow-up emails or messages, hoping to elicit a response. However, this approach is unlikely to be effective and may even make the situation worse. Persistent outreach can come across as a bit desperate or even harassing so I’d say it’s best to avoid it.
2. Reflect on your own actions
Take some time to honestly assess your own actions and the interactions leading up to the ghosting. While it’s important not to blame yourself, reflecting on the situation can help you identify any areas for improvement. This self-reflection can make you a stronger, more resilient professional too.
3. Seek closure through other means
No, nothing illegal (I mean closure, not revenge). If the ghosting is from a potential client or employer, consider communicating with a different point of contact within the organisation. They may be able to provide some insight into the situation or at least offer a more formal rejection, which can help provide closure.
4. Focus on your own professional development
Instead of dwelling on the ghosting, use this time to focus on your own professional development. Pursue new learning opportunities, network with other professionals, or take on a passion project that aligns with your goals. This can help you regain a sense of control and purpose.
5. Reframe the narrative
It’s easy to feel like a victim when you’ve been ghosted, but try to reframe the narrative in your mind. Remind yourself that the ghosting says more about the other party than it does about you. Approach the situation with empathy and understanding, and remember that you are a valuable professional with much to offer.
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